


Starting Over

by AStephens1971



Series: Moving On [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Anniversary, Death, Grief Support, M/M, True Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 10:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AStephens1971/pseuds/AStephens1971
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to <i>Brian's Good-Bye</i>. On the first anniversary of Brian's death, Justin joins a grief support group, and finds more than he bargained for!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting Over

 

  
There I was, alone, at—I wondered if I could even call it Britin anymore, after—  
  
My eyes welled with tears. I still missed him, after all this time. Oh, I watched his farewell video every once in a while, just when I wanted to hear his voice, but I stopped it just before—I couldn’t even bear to hear the sound anymore.  
  
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Wiping away the stray tear that managed to escape, I went to see who it was.  
  
Much to my surprise, it was Emmett—and—I couldn’t believe it—Blake!  
  
“This is a surprise,” I said, managing a smile. “What brings you here?”  
  
“We just came to check on you,” Emmett said, giving me a hug. “Are—are you all right?”  
  
“I—I think so,” I replied, but my eyes told a different story.  
  
“You still miss him, don’t you?” Blake smiled, and took my hand.  
  
I was embarrassed that he knew the truth. “Yes,” I admitted, as silent tears flowed. “I—I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be sorry,” he reassured me. “Your feelings are normal.”  
  
“Would—would you like to go out sometime?” Emmett asked. “We all miss you.”  
  
“I’m sure Brian would want you to go on with your life,” Blake added. “You might even find that someone special to—”  
  
“No one will ever replace Brian,” I snapped, then covered my mouth, ashamed. “I—I’m sorry,” I said, as I turned away. “I—I didn’t mean it like that.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Blake smiled again. “Actually, that’s not even what I meant. I only meant you might find someone new to share your life with—you might be surprised—they might actually understand about Brian.”  
  
 _I hope so_ , I thought. At this point in my life, I didn’t want to be faced with someone who was overly jealous just because they weren’t the first in my life.  
  
“I—I guess I could stand to get out—for a little while, anyway,” I admitted.  
  
“Then come on,” Emmett said, taking my hand, “let’s go!”


	2. Starting Over

When we arrived at Woody’s, I looked around. My friends gathered around me, either giving me words of sympathy or hugs, and I gladly accepted them. Other patrons looked on, too, and I wondered: who was the jealous type, and who was likely to be among the sympathetic.

“I’m starting to dabble in grief counseling,” Blake said. “Maybe you ought to join us sometime.”

Emmett smiled at me, and I blushed. “Thanks,” I replied. “I may just do that.”

“We’ve got another new person coming in,” Blake said. “Perhaps the two of you might hit it off.”


	3. Group Therapy

So the next afternoon, Mom and Emmett brought me to Blake’s office. “We’ve got new people joining us today,” Blake said to the rest of the group. “I’d like you to meet Justin.”  
  
“Hi, Justin,” chorused the group.  
  
“And this,” Blake said, turning to the other new person, “is Mike.”  
  
“Hi, Mike,” the group chorused again.  
  
I turned, wanting to make sure that nothing had happened to Ben. Fortunately, it was a different Mike—Michael.  
  
“So,” Blake said, turning to us again, “do you feel comfortable telling us how you lost your partners?”  
  
“Cancer,” I said, not afraid at all.  
  
Then it was Mike’s turn. He stammered, stuttered, and turned away.  
  
“He must be really shy,” Blake told the group. “It’s okay, Mike, we understand.”  
  
But I wasn’t about to let shyness get in the way of our sharing time. “Are—are you sure you don’t want to tell everyone?” I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. “They won’t bite, I promise.”  
  
“Are—are you sure?” Mike turned back around, removing his hands from his eyes.  
  
The group echoed my sentiments. “It’s okay, Mike.” “You can trust us, Mike.”  
  
Mike just looked at me and smiled. “I—I lost my partner to cancer, too,” he whispered.  
  
“It’s group time,” Blake said, “so everybody find a partner and share some memories if you like.”  
  
As everyone found a partner, I turned to Mike. “So,” I asked, “what do you remember about your partner?”  
  
As he shared, I smiled, knowing they were all good memories—up until the death. On my turn, I recounted working together, the bashing (with a little help from Blake), the breakup, reuniting in the office, Brian’s first bout with cancer, the bombing, Britin, Brian’s proposal, my trip to and back from New York, and, of course, Brian’s unsuccessful second campaign against cancer. But I didn’t forget to mention the tape!  
  
“He—he must’ve really loved you to do that for you,” Mike said, managing a smile.  
  
“Don’t I know it,” I replied, smiling myself. “I can only hope I find someone just like him.”  
  
“Well,” Mike said, “I—I can’t promise I’ll be a total replacement, but maybe—maybe we can hang out sometime?”  
  
“I’d like that,” I replied, smiling.  
  
“Well,” Blake said, “that’s it for today. I hope you have made some good friends—and have gained a shoulder or two if you need it.”  
  
“Thank you,” Mike said, as we got up, “thank you for letting me vent.”  
  
I took his hand, and something came over me—something I hadn’t felt since—since that first encounter with Brian!


	4. Brian Appears to Justin

That night, as I lay in bed, I felt—as if I wasn’t alone.  
  
Bolting straight up, I felt it—a presence I’d never felt before.  
  
“Sunshine,” came the voice.  
  
It—it was Brian’s, all right, but I wasn’t sure where it was coming from!  
  
“Sunshine,” it repeated, and this time I turned to the source of the voice.  
  
There he was, a pale version of the last time I’d seen him healthy.  
  
“Brian,” I gasped, knowing I couldn’t realistically get him back.  
  
“Sunshine,” he said, and I could see him smiling, “I know this past year has been hard on you. But—” he added, smiling again, “I saw you today, and I hope you can make things work out with Mike. I confess,” he admitted, “he was one of my tricks—one of the many tricks I had before I met you.”  
  
Why wasn’t I surprised at that?  
  
“Of course, to me he was no more than a one-night stand,” he said, “because somehow I knew—even before we met—someone like you would come along.”  
  
“As I said in the video,” he concluded, “if things get serious—and I hope they do—I hope he wakes up to that beautiful Sunshine smile of yours.”  
  
“Be happy, Sunshine,” were his last words before fading away.

 


	5. Starting Over by AStephens

By the time I went back to the group the next afternoon, one look at Mike and I knew—he’d had the same sort of experience.  
  
“He appeared to me, Mike,” I gasped, still not able to believe it.  
  
“He appeared to me, too,” Mike confessed.  
  
I couldn’t believe it—had Brian been the subject of Mike’s vision as well?  
  
“We—we are talking about the same person—aren’t we?” I asked.  
  
“Brian, right?” Mike asked.  
  
“Y-yes,” I replied.  
  
“We are,” Mike replied. “He apologized for letting me be just a trick, and he made me promise that if things got serious between us, that I’d take care of you.”  
  
“What—what about—” I was afraid to ask.  
  
“—my former partner?” Mike finished. “No, he hasn’t appeared to me yet,” he laughed. “I guess he figures I’ll be just fine.”  
  
“You will,” I smiled, taking him into a hug, “you will.”  
  
What happened next surprised me—for Mike turned his face and—kissed me gently on the lips!  
  
It was a kiss that—surprisingly enough—turned very passionate, much to the delight of Blake and the others!  
  
“Well,” Blake said, laughing, “I think we’ve got our first success story here, folks.” At that, everyone cheered and applauded.  
  
“I’m going to keep my promise, you know,” Mike whispered. “I really am going to take care of you.”


	6. The Palace's Future

I knew what I had to do. After class, I headed for Mom’s office.

“This is a surprise,” Mom said, greeting me. “Are—are you here on business?”

“You—you might say that,” I said, sighing. “I—I need to sell the house.”

“Too many memories?” Mom just nodded, and took my hand. “I—I understand. It—it’s hard living in a place that’s partially named after Brian, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“How—how’s your support group going?” she asked, wanting to lighten the mood.

“It—it’s good,” I answered, grateful for the change in subject. “I—I think I’ve found my new partner.”

“Well, that’s good.” Mom said, giving me a hug. “I’m sure Brian would be very happy for you. I’ll—I’ll get it listed as soon as I can,” she added.

“Thanks,” I replied.

That night, Brian appeared to me again. “I understand,” he said, “why you have to sell—but don’t worry—I’m sure Mike will make sure everything works out in the end. If you couldn’t have me—and I’m still sorry I had to go—I’m glad you picked him.”

I was sorry to see the “Sold” sign go up not long after, but Mike just whispered in my ear. “You do realize who bought it, don’t you?”

“N-no,” I replied.

Mike just smiled and whispered again, “I did.”

I looked at him—my lover—and tears welled in my eyes. What I thought I had to give up because I’d lost Brian, he bought back for me! “Nothing but the name has to change,” he whispered, “and we’ll deal with the memories as they come.”

“I love you,” I cried, as tears rolled down my face. I held his face in my hands and, with trembling lips, kissed my hero.

Suddenly, my cell rang. “Hello?”

“So, what do you think?”

“Oh, Mom,” I sobbed, “this—this was a wonderful surprise!”

“I met your Mike,” she laughed.

“I had a feeling you might have something to do with this,” I laughed.

As we walked back to the house—our house—I saw, not one vision, but two! Brian was there, all right, but with someone else!

“Mike—look,” I said, not able to believe it myself.

When he turned, his eyes filled with tears. Not only was Brian there, but—another man was there, too—whom I assumed to be his partner!

“He appeared to us, Mike,” I said, giving him a big hug—as well as a tender kiss.

“You’re in good hands, Mike,” the other spirit said. “You’re going to be very happy.”

“That goes for you, too, Sunshine,” Brian said, and I could see that shy smile I loved. “Now we can rest in peace.”

Then—they were gone.

 


	7. Starting Over by AStephens

There was only one thing to do. I led him to the bedroom, and, after a little while, found the place where Brian had kept the condoms. I tried to open the packet the same way he had, but I realized, laughing, I couldn’t do it!

“Here, let me help,” Mike said, reaching for it. Amazingly enough, he had Brian’s technique down!  
  
After getting everything in place, we set our rhythm. While he didn’t have quite the same technique Brian did, what he did have was all his own—and, to be honest, perhaps it was better!  
  
Exhausted from our first time, I cupped Mike’s face in my hands. “So,” I said, stating the inevitable, “Brian must have been a good teacher for you to know how to get it open.”  
  
“Yes,” Mike laughed, “you might say I learned from the master.”  
  
“I can only hope to be as good,” I admitted, blushing, for even as long as we’d been together, I never could quite get it down.  
  
“You’ll get it,” Mike encouraged me. “It’ll just take practice.”  
  
Then—he just took me in his arms and kissed me. “I love you, Justin,” he said, “and I owe you so much for helping me.”  
  
He actually said it—the first night! What had taken Brian so long, he readily admitted! It wasn’t that I hadn’t suspected Brian’s feelings all along—maybe it just took that long for him to admit it to himself—then to me!

 


	8. Starting Over by AStephens

We were so happy—and yet it was creeping up on us:

The grief support session was almost over.  
  
Something had to be done. We’d all been encouraged to bring our friends and loved ones, so I called everyone—Debbie, Daphne, Michael, Ben, Melanie, Lindsay—but especially Mom!  
  
Then it hit me—that first day, which, incidentally, had been the first anniversary of Brian’s death, someone had come with Blake to check on me—and it wouldn’t seem right not to ask him to come!  
  
I dialed the number with shaking fingers—mainly because I was excited—and I just knew once he found out, he would be, too.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey, Em, it’s me.”  
  
“Justin!” He was so happy to hear from me. “How’s the group going?”  
  
“Well, I’m graduating soon.”  
  
I laughed as I pictured him jumping up and down. “That’s fabulous! Have you found someone?”  
  
“Yes, you might say I have,” I laughed, as I felt Mike wrap his arms around me from behind and kiss me on the cheek. “So, will you come?”  
  
“Be there with bells on!”  
  
The big day arrived, and we were all excited. We milled around with our partners as everyone arrived, anxious for the proceedings to begin.  
  
“Welcome, everyone,” Blake said, when we started. “Losing someone you love is never easy, and these gathered here know that quite well. But they have bonded these last few weeks, and, I am glad to say, are ready for the next chapter in their lives. They have all managed to find new love within the group, and I wish them well. Join with me in celebrating their accomplishments as I call them forward.”  
  
I was surprised to notice that Blake called us up by couples—which was something I never would have expected!  
  
“I’ve saved the best for last,” Blake said, when Mike and I were the only ones left. “Our last couple came together with very little effort on my part. They lost their partners to the same disease, and, through this group, have become stronger in their love for each other, both as friends and as new partners. I’d like Justin Taylor and Mike Walker to come up for their diplomas.”  
  
Everyone cheered and applauded as Mike and I went up to receive our diplomas, coming in for a loving kiss afterwards.  
  
“Thank you,” I said, as we stood at the podium, “thank you all for your support. It wasn’t easy for me to lose Brian, as Mike well knows, but he’s been more than I could have ever dreamed—both as a group partner and as a partner in general.”  
  
“I have my own presentation to make,” I added, turning to Mike. “You were so shy when we joined,” I said, “but you’ve really made progress—and I’m so proud of you.”  
  
Then, much to Mike’s surprise, I hit one knee and took his hand. “I don’t want to lose you,” I said, digging into my back pocket, “and it is with uttermost thankfulness that I ask you this last question—”  
  
Pulling out a velvet box, I opened it, to reveal two rings. “These were supposed to be used when Brian and I got married—but, obviously, that’s not going to happen. I’d gladly wear one of them, but I need someone else—someone else to wear the other, and I choose you, Mike. So,” I said, as tears welled in my eyes, “I guess what I’m trying to ask is: will you marry me?”  
  
A collective gasp went around the room, and Mike—well, the tears were just flowing from his eyes.  
  
“Justin,” he said, taking me in his arms, “I came to this group feeling so shy—so awkward—and you just took me under your wing. These last few weeks have shown me that it is possible to love again. I—I don’t know what else I can say.” He bit his lip, trying not to break down, but to no avail. “Yes,” he sobbed, “I will marry you.”  
  
The whole room burst into cheers and applause upon hearing the news.  
  
But Mike and I got the next surprise—for Brian and Mike’s partner made one last appearance.  
  
“Congratulations, Sunshine,” Brian said, smiling. “I just know it’ll be a happy commitment.” Mike’s partner nodded in agreement.  
  
“Be happy,” they said, then disappeared.  
  
I just sighed, as a stray tear slid down my cheek. “I’m going to miss that guy,” I said, shaking my head.  
  
Mike just smiled and put an arm around my shoulder. “I know,” he said, turning to kiss the tear away. “But they’re at peace now, knowing we’re at peace.”

 


	9. Starting Over by AStephens

  
[Starting Over](viewstory.php?sid=1136) by [AStephens](viewuser.php?uid=424)  


  
Summary: 

The sequel to _Brian's Good-Bye_. On the first anniversary of Brian's death, Justin joins a grief support group, and finds more than he bargained for!

  
Categories: [QAF-U.S.](browse.php?type=categories&id=99), [Hurt/Comfort](browse.php?type=categories&id=37), [Justin/Other](browse.php?type=categories&id=107), [Romance](browse.php?type=categories&id=45) Characters:  Blake, Brian, Emmett, Jennifer Taylor, Justin, Michael, Original Character(s)  
Challenges: None  
Series: Moving On  
Chapters:  9 Completed: Yes   
Word count: 2830 Read: 4198  
Published: December 06, 2009 Updated: December 09, 2009 

The Wedding by AStephens

A few months later, everyone gathered at the house now known as Taylor-Walker Estates. I stood proud in my suit—the suit that, I recalled, with still a little sadness, I had been trying on when Brian told me I looked beautiful.

  


 

  


Mike smiled over at me, and I knew what he was thinking—I still looked beautiful.

  


 

  


“Would our grooms please step forward?”

  


 

  


Emmett stood by the two pots of gardenias. As he explained the significance of their presence, a tear slid down my cheek. After all he—and Brian and I—had gone through to get them, it was a shame that Brian was no longer the groom to share the experience with me! Mike just smiled, squeezed my hand, and kissed the tear away.

  


 

  


As we said our vows, I remembered when Emmett and Blake had taken me to Woody’s—and how I looked around for someone who would be sympathetic to my life with Brian. Here he was—about to become Mike Taylor!

  


 

  


“May I present to you Justin and Mike Taylor.”

  


 

  


Several of those present dabbed at their eyes with handkerchiefs, and I noticed, chuckling, not even Emmett could resist!

  


 

  


“From my group partner,” I whispered, smiling, “to my life partner. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

  


 

  


Of course, neither could Brian, as he and Mike’s old partner made one final appearance and watched the whole thing. “I think they’re going to be okay,” he remarked, taking his hand and walking into their final rest.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

This story archived at <http://www.midnightwhispers.ca/viewstory.php?sid=1136>  



End file.
